5 Steps
by BlackRoseOfTheGrave
Summary: As a soldier's son, a Hunter, and a brother, Dean prided himself on his control. Nothing could get in the way of a job. However, when his world is turned upside down, how will he deal with the new conflicting emotions? One-shot unless people ask.


Rating: T+

Characters: Dean John Sam Bobby

Song Inspiration: Don't Fear the Reaper—Blue Oyster Cult

* * *

A smokey fog rose through the thin tree line and into the starlit sky as the fire continued to burn. The familiar smells of wood, oil, salt and freshly upturned dirt tangled with the natural scents unique to Autumn. However, unlike the common forest fire, this particular one smelled like death—like pain. The unmistakable scent of burning flesh flooded the clearing. A body wrapped in cheap hotel sheets and tied tightly with hunting rope held the corpse within its casing as it rest upon a pyre. More smoke lifted from the body. Like an alarm had been triggered, the two men in the clearing began to weep. One was openly sobbing, the other, quietly grieving.

I shifted uncomfortably, left to right and back again, as I heard, no, felt Sammy cry. His closed fists tightened with the effort to remain as quiet as possible. He was unsuccessful. His strong shoulders began to shake uncontrollably with every sob, and his chest expanded rapidly as his lungs tried to force him to breath normally. As his eyes scrunched shut I saw the bruise around his right eye begin to swell. I quickly averted my gaze back to the pyre in both an effort to give Sam the privacy he deserved, and to prevent him from seeing my silent tears travel down my cheeks.

* * *

I loved my father, but I couldn't afford to join Sam in his woeful suffering. I had to appear brave and confident. Just for Sammy—my precious little brother. A ghostly voice murmured in the back of my head, _"Stand strong son. Be a man! Chin up, back straight, consider your priority, and march!" _I shuddered as I felt the presence trail cool fingers down the sides of my head and onto my shoulders. This was dad's final goodbye. I knew what he wanted me to do. Protect the priority at all costs. I sent a quick glance towards Sam, and was relieved to notice how oblivious he was to my personal issues. Enough. No more crying. I allowed myself one final hiccup before straightening. I would see John again. After all, what use is a soldier who isn't loyal to his general?

As the pyre began to die down, and the flames lowered, I tapped Sam on the shoulder and pointed towards the Impala. It was time to go. As he walked toward the sleek machine, I peeked over at the remains of the corpse. Nothing. I began to step away when I caught a slight sparkle out of the corner of my eye. It was the belt buckle. After I had tied dad's body with the rope, I had snatched one of his belts out of his truck. I seemed only fitting.

The leather had burned away—the cow hide succumbing to the heat and power of the fire. However, the sturdy metal buckle remained. Its golden shine was in stark contrast with the large pile of ash and coal beneath it. I took a breath and bent down to grab it. I immediately drew back when the scorching hot metal blistered the skin along the edges of my palm. _No_, I thought to myself. _I can't keep any reminders of him. His memory is now a liability. _

* * *

I stood back up and took a deep breath. My training took over as I closed off my mind from my heart. Emotions only got in the way of the mission—my only mission. The protection and happiness of Sammy was all that mattered now. I would do anything in my power to keep him safe, including sacrificing myself for his sake. I told myself I wouldn't cry as I turned away from the still smoking pile. One lone tear slid down my cheek as I walked toward the Impala, and towards Sammy—my mission, my best friend, and my little brother. "Goodbye John."

I knew that no matter how hard I tried, no matter how many times I shut myself off and hid from Sammy and Bobby, that I would eventually crack. When the loving and worried eye of Sam's was turned away, and when Bobby's affectionate gaze had drifted to help the other Hunters in the area, I would grieve. I would cry, and I would break down. Then, after I had relaxed into the bed-sheets in some cheap motel, I would begin the grieving process. I would hide from Sammy—the only important person in my life now besides Bobby. I would become a loner.

**Depending on how well this is received, I may type up a second chapter. However, I need a few reviews to motivate me. I love the character development in Dean, so I tend to lean towards him when I type. If anyone has any ideas, feel free to leave a review. I am also looking for a beta reader that could help me out with both Naruto fics, and SPN. Any offers? Thank you for reading. **


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